girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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