Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
