I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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