just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
