i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
