There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
