Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
