Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
