I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
