I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
