Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
