You made me cry and you don't even care
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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