it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
