It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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