I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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