At least make sure they are 18
Why
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
