If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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