He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
