hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
