the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
