Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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