I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
