Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
