dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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