she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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