am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
