THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Couch. On fire.
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