When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
