Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
