Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
