I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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