He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
