Non-Jews are for practice
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
