i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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