with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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