Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
