Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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