Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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