i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
