M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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