I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
