My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize