apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
