Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
