you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
