Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im holly from the hills drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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