i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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