I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
