did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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