Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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