Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
