My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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