yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
