so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
